AN EMAIL TO GOD!!!

I have a lot of issues in my life and I feel that if I talk to someone about them it can somehow help me over come them. I am contacting you through email because the devil is busy and placing things in the path of us getting together to talk. If it's okay with you we can continue to talk via email, it is fine with me. I am a very sad person I cry often, every pound that I weight is an reflection of me depression. I am very disappointed in the path that I have traveled and I don't know what to do. I grew up in a very broken home where it was just me and my older brother, my mom was mostly mom/dad and worked all the time. My brother had to raise me by cooking my dinner and walking me to school, we were eleven years apart. They're not many happy memories that come across in my life just yelling and sadness, my dad was in my life for the first five years of my life, but would always come and go. Whenever he was around there would be lots for cursing, I know that I am an adult now and these things shouldn't be having an affect on my life at this point but, the tears still often fall. In June 2005, I'd just had my 17th birthday, me and brother go into any heated argument and I said something that I wish I didn't not knowing that would be that last words that I would ever speak to him. On July 14th 2005, my brother celebrated his 28th birthday and we still wasn't talking to each other because of the heated discussion we had prior. On July 28th 2005 my brother die from unknown causes, that day still flaws through my mind and I can't make it stop. I lost my best friend in this whole word and he left without know how sorry I truly was. Since that day I find it so hard to smile, I made so many mistakes, I wish I can take them all back and start all over again. I really and truly miss my brother with all my might.